Safe and Sound
by riverknowshisname
Summary: What might have happened if Peeta returned to District 13 and was only tortured by the Capitol? What might it have been like without Peeta being hijacked? Well, here's my take on that.
1. Chapter 1

**_Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games, this is simply my interpretation of what might have happened if Peeta had returned to District 13 unhijacked. Hope you enjoy!_**

* * *

_Peeta._

_Alive and well-maybe not well but alive and here. Away from Snow. Safe. Here. With me. In a minute I can touch him. See his smile. Hear his laugh._

_Haymitch's grinning at me. "Come on, then," he says._

_I'm light-headed with giddiness. What will I say? Oh, who cares what I say? Peeta will be ecstatic no matter what I do. He'll probably be kissing me anyway. I wonder if it will feel like those last kisses on the beach in the arena, the ones I haven't dared let myself consider until this moment._

_Peeta's awake already sitting on the side of the bed, looking bewildered as the trio of doctors reassure him, flash lights in his eyes, check his pulse. I'm disappointed that mine was not the first face he saw when he awoke, but he sees it now. His features register disbelief, (pg. 176, Mockingjay)_ and before I can think of a single thing he screams. "Katniss!" He's off the bed in such a hurry that the doctors are knocked to the floor. "Katniss!" The distance between us seems to barely exist when he throws his arms around me and I begin to sob. Peeta's back. He's here.

I throw my arms around his neck. "Oh, Peeta." I tried to say something else. But no words would come and I'm sobbing so much that my body is shaking.

"Katniss," he says. It's his voice, his gentle voice. The one I love so much and took for granted all those nights on the train. Then he pulls my face back and our lips make contact. This kiss not only feels like the ones on the beach but it is warmer and gentler than during the Quarter Quell. He then starts to kiss all over my face. His hands have not left me since we touched.

I don't want to let him go. But I need to say something. "I've – missed – you," I say gasping. "So much!" New tears have found their way out of my eyes.

"I only ever dreamed," he says. Disbelief and amazement in his voice. "That you would say that." He starts kissing me again and this time he's more aggressive and I don't want him to stop. I don't ever want to let go of him again.

Haymitch's laugh pulls us back to reality. "Well, I missed you too kid."

Peeta drops his hands from me slowly and then clasps my hand in his. "Haymitch," he says. He takes two more steps forward before punching Haymitch square on the jaw. "That's for not telling me what was going on!" he shouts.

"Whoa," says Haymitch, rubbing his jaw. "We thought it would be safer."

"Who is 'we'?" Peeta asks. His eyes narrow at Haymitch.

"Just," Haymitch begins. "A few more rebel leaders."

"Like who?" asks Peeta. His voice is rising and I can see the veins on his neck are tightening. I stroke his arm, gently, with my free hand. He squeezes my hand.

Haymitch folds his arms over his chest. "Hey now kid," he says. Irritation rising. And I've been around Haymitch so much that I know what's coming. "You want to know who kept her," he jabs a finger in my direction. "From hurting herself or from anything worse."

"Gale," says Peeta flatly.

"Gale?" says Haymitch looking hurt. "Well, sure," he sighs. "But after you were beat bloody on live tv," Peeta cringes. "Who did she turn to?" He's shouting now. "Me!" He throws his hands in the air.

Peeta looks at me for assurance. I nod. He faces Haymitch again, this time his expression is softer. "Haymitch," he says. "I'm sorry. I'm just—so angry!" He shouts.

"I don't blame you," says Haymitch. "I wouldn't even blame you for hating me. If I were in your shoes I'd want to hit me too."

"I'm sorry, Haymitch," Peeta says. His voice is calm and reassuring.

Haymitch exchanges a look with the doctors. "Peeta," he says, "we're going to need you to lay down for a bit. The doctors want to do some tests, and we'd prefer to do it voluntarily. It takes so much out of me to sedate Katniss, I can't do it with you, too."

"Okay, Haymitch," Peeta says. After kissing me once more, like he did on the beach he kisses my hand lets go and lays down on the bed. After apologizing to the doctors and in moments is asleep again. The last few moments must have used all the energy that he had.

Peeta's okay. _My_ Peeta. He's here. With me. And I will never let him go ever again. I walk over to him, place a gentle kiss on his forehead and walk out to meet Haymitch in the hall. But I'm stopped up short when Gale is there with him. I hadn't even thought about Gale. Where he was. What he was doing. Or what his reaction would be seeing this. My jaw drops. I catch it quickly and before I can say anything Gale speaks. "How is Peeta, Katniss?"

"Here," I choke out.

Gale rolls his eyes and sighs heavily. "I know he's here," he says. "I can see him with my very own eyes. What I mean, Katniss, is he the same? Is he still the Peeta you know? The Peeta from the first Games? The Peeta from the train? The Peeta from the Quarter Quell? The Peeta you're engaged to?" Hurt registers in his expression. He did see what happened with Peeta. It is now more important than ever that I figure out where my heart lies. Or rather, who it lies with. Having Peeta back has brought so many things back, and reignited things that I thought I would never feel again.

"KATNISS!" Peeta screams. My heart stops as I spin around to see him sitting bolt upright in the bed. I run to him, unsure of what else to do. "KATNISS!" he screams again. My heart is racing so much that the adrenaline yanks me to his side.

"Peeta," I say, taking his hand as I slowly lay him back. "I'm here, Peeta. You're okay. Snow can't hurt you anymore. I won't let him. You're mine Peeta." His eyes are frantic and searching for something that is not even in this room. "Peeta," I begin to stroke his cheek. Whatever it is, I'm going to have to let it pass. "Doctor?" I say. Once I locate them they are positioned against the opposite wall. "What's happening?"

They share a wary glance with one another. "We think he's having a nightmare." My heart that had just resumed it's pumping stops again. This isn't right. He doesn't thrash or scream while he's dreaming. He never did on the train. What has Snow done to him? I admit as tears streak down my face, something happened to him, and part of my Peeta isn't here. I continue to stroke his cheek until he calms down again and the doctors resume their testing. As I turn to walk out the female doctor locks eyes with me, "could you stay?" she asks.

Tears rain down my face as the familiar question registers. "Always," I say. I walk across the room and pull the chair over and sit right beside him, holding his hand and speaking to him as sweetly as possible. Before I realize it, I'm singing _The Hanging Tree_ to him. "Thank you," she says. It is obvious how much more calm he is since I started singing. Maybe he was dreaming of jabberjays. The thought rips my heart in two. The jabberjays, the one thing in that jungle that truly frightened me. They had taken my sisters' voice, they had taken my mothers, and Gale's voices…but Peeta had said, _"If you die…I'll have nothing…you're my whole world."_ They would take only my voice. _Only_ my voice. "Oh Peeta," I choke out. Fresh tears fill my eyes.

This was too much to hope for. Having Peeta back here, with me…still wanting me…still loving me. It's more than I could ever ask for. But he is here. He's always loved me and I'd taken that for granted. Well, never again. I will never take Peeta's love for granted ever again. I almost forget that Gale had arrived until I hear him over my shoulder, "Katniss?"

I look up at him. "Gale?" I ask. His face has contorted. "Is something wrong?"

He shakes his head furiously. "I can watch him for a while," he says. "You need to get some sleep."

Sleep. The idea of sleep seems so unimportant in light of recent events. I don't want to sleep. I don't want to leave Peeta's side for a second. I shake my head, "I'm okay, Gale. Really." His face registers as wounded but he just nods and leaves the room. There will be plenty of time to talk to him later but now I just want to be with Peeta. I refuse to be separated from him ever again.

Within moments another voice appears behind me. Finnick Odair. "Katniss," he says. "How is he?" I gently release Peeta's hand making sure not to go too far away and throw my arms around Finnick and sob.

"They're here—Finnick—they're here!" I choke out. He no longer holds back his tears as we revel in the fact that those we love…those we love. Love. I love Peeta. I need Peeta. "Oh Finnick, it's too good to be true."

He nods as his tears soak my hair, "oh, Katniss. How did we—?"

"I don't know," I get out. For the next, five-to-six minutes Finnick and I just clutch each other and cry. No one can understand how I feel better than him. And no one but me can understand the relief that he feels.

After Finnick and I get ahold of ourselves, we wipe the tears from each other's faces and I give his cheek a kiss. "I'll see you later, Finnick," I say. He nods once and leaves the room. I take my seat once again by Peeta. I'm relieved beyond words that he is alive and here with me. How did we get so lucky? I grasp Peeta's hand again and lay my head upon it before falling out of consciousness. Both terrified that if I do close my eyes, he'll be gone when I open them. And terrified that this is just a beautiful dream and when I open my eyes he'll be gone.

Then I'm running. I don't know where I am, or where I'm going but I reach the end of a cliff but don't stop soon enough to catch myself and plummet to my death. I wake up screaming, and as if no time has passed, Peeta is stroking my face and whispering my name. Weakly. But he is trying.

"Katniss," he says. "why did you miss me?" This question cuts me off guard.

"What?" I say. Puzzled. Why would he ask that?

"Why did you miss me?" he repeats.

"Oh, Peeta," I say, sighing. "I can't think straight enough to answer that question." I yawn. "I'm so…tired."

"Go back to sleep, Katniss," he says brushing the hair off my face, much like he used to do on the train. Before long I'm asleep again. I dream, a pleasant dream. I remember the nights on the train where I would have nightmares and his arms were always there to comfort me when I awoke. About the kisses on the beach, about opening the door of the hovercraft when I found out the Capital had Peeta captive. I soundlessly come out of unconsciousness enough to hear the door open silently. "Gale." Peeta says. Announcing that Gale has made an appearance. I can only imagine what Gale was here to say.

"Peeta," he says, curtly. I can feel his eyes on my back but I neither open my eyes nor move. "Is she alright?"

Peeta's sigh is faint, so faint Gale would never have been able to hear it. "She's sleeping."

Gale's sigh is audible. "I can see that."

"Yes," Peeta says. "She's alright."

"I heard screaming," he says.

"She was just having a nightmare," says Peeta. "She's alright now though."

"What happened on the train?" Gale asks, holding nothing back.

Peeta's breathing changes, and instantly I'm angry with Gale for asking such a personal question of Peeta. "Why?" asks Peeta, defensively.

"Because," Gale says. "She was different when she came back from that tour. She was different in the Quarter Quell."

"Don't worry," Peeta says, cuttingly. "I'm sure you'll have her back when I'm not in the hospital anymore. She as good as told me she loved you."

Gale huffs. "No, Peeta," he says. "I'll never get Katniss back." His voice drops.

"What?" Peeta asks. Confusion registering in his tone. "Why do you say that?"

"You didn't see her, Peeta," Gale says inhaling and exhaling sharply. "She was not, Katniss. To put it plainly. The Capital had you, and she was like a walking zombie. She would wake up, get dressed, mope around, eat, mope around, eat, mope around, go to bed. Have a nightmare, wake up and cry herself back to sleep. You don't understand, Peeta," he sighs. "The way she kissed you on the beach…" he says sighing. "Well, she's never kissed me like that."

"It was all for the show," Peeta says, though because I know him so well, I can hear the doubt in his voice.

"No," Gale says, and I'm almost certain he's shaking his head. "She loves you, Peeta."

"What makes me so special?" Peeta says, but his voice catches.

"I don't know," says Gale. "But I lost her, when she lost you."

There is a long silence between the two, and I'm certain neither one knows what to say. But they are right. Losing Peeta, the thought makes me sigh, but both Peeta and Gale don't worry about it since they think I'm sleeping. I start to get worried when the silence drags on when it finally occurs to me…they're both crying. It's all I can do not to reach up and hold them both but that would do more harm than good, and I know that. No matter how much I want to make them stop crying, I can't without giving away my consciousness. So I continue to lay on Peeta's hand. The hand that had stopped stroking my face when Gale entered, has resumed. No one made me feel like Peeta. No one's touch is as comforting as Peeta's.

"You see," Gale says. His voice recovered. "This morning…you wouldn't know Katniss from herself. She figured out how Snow was using you, how he was using you to get to her, to break her—and she had a meltdown. Not like the other meltdowns I've seen. I've been able to calm her a few times, but this time she only wanted Haymitch. The only arms she wanted to be held in was Haymitch's…and even then," he says, his voice cracking. "They still had to drug her. She's never cried like that before." Gale starts to cry again, more audibly, and Peeta's sob is so frantic that my heart breaks into millions of pieces. How was I expecting that news to hit him. Surely, this was no surprise at all. But hearing him cry, that's what I couldn't take. "She loves you, Peeta."

Then Gale spins and hurries from the room. Peeta continues to sob and I have to pretend that I'm sleeping. That I don't know he's hurting—feeling?—or what's going on. It's then that I start crying. I can't hide it anymore, but I also can't let Peeta or Gale know I heard their conversation. Peeta must think I'm dreaming because he shuts right up, and inhales quickly. And begins stroking my face. "Katniss…" he says. I open my eyes to look at and meet his. "It's okay."

I nod, not realizing until now just how much I'm crying. "I never thought—I'd get—you back!" I get out before hysteria hits me. I am no longer in control of my emotions. It's now that Peeta yanks the covers off of himself. "Stay with me?" he says. Recalling me back to a time and a place. A time when only his arms could calm me, where only his voice could soothe me. I get up without hesitation and curl up inside his embrace. As he wraps his arms around me and pulls the blankets back down we both cry. At some point we fell asleep. Because when I wake I feel a gentle, shove? On my arm. I open my eyes to see Haymitch glaring at me.

"How exactly is this helping him, Katniss?" he says.

"Um…" I look around at the doctors who are staring at us with equally puzzled expressions. "He…" I begin and then give up. I gently toss the covers off of myself and quietly get out of the bed.

"This is not the train, Katniss," he says. Hands on his hips and wearing a sour expression. "Come on," he sighs. "You need to eat."

"Oh, Haymitch—" I say hoping he'd back down, but instead he grabs my arm. "Katniss, you've done a lot of stupid things that I've brushed them off due to _not_ having Peeta, but once you do have him, that—" he jabs a finger back to the hospital wing, "is the only thing you can think of?"

"He asked me, Haymitch," I squeak out.

"Oh," he says. His voice and expression calming down as a smile spreads across his face. "Still, Coin is not happy." His laugh is contagious though I'm not quite sure why he is laughing, "Cressida wants some star-crossed lovers reunited thing. That's what Coin doesn't like." This time I join in his laughing but when I turn forward I run straight into Gale. Haymitch immediately stops laughing and looks at me briefly before saying, "um, I'm gonna go see what the doctors have to say, Katniss." I nod at him and he leaves.

"Gale," I squeak. "Good morning." His expression does not soften, nor does any part of his body that is tensed up relax. Apparently, he was privy to my sleeping arrangements as well. I now have no idea what to say to him, or even how to start. "Gale—" I start but he turns to walk away. "Gale," I say. He's walking so fast I nearly have to run to keep up. "Gale, stop." He doesn't. "Gale, please." I try to grab his arm, which he wretches free of my grasp.

"You know, Katniss," he finally says. He's stopped so abruptly though that I have to take two steps back to be beside him. "When you said you didn't love him," he's panting now. "Were you intentionally lying to me?"

"What?" I mutter. I can't seem to make sense of anything he's saying, but my mind has been a bit jumbled since yesterday anyways. I try to read his expression but when I realize that is futile I just ask, "What do you mean, Gale?"

"Did anything _actually_ happen on that train?" he says. His voice rising in pitch and squeakiness. Now I'm not even remotely sure what to say to him. I search his eyes hoping they would hold some unexplained explanation for what he was wanting to know, instead my face stays the same. He lets out an extremely heavy sigh. "Katniss, did you lie to me the whole time? Did you know you loved him? Was I just a piece in a game you played with when you couldn't have Peeta?" His voice has steadily become a shout.

"Whoa!" Finnick's voice comes up behind us. "What's with the hostility?" he asks Gale.

"Nothing!" says Gale as he stomps away. "I'm going hunting, without you."

"What?!" I ask. "That's our thing—you can't just not take me with you!"

"What do you think I did when you were in the Games? Or on the train!" He's shouting down the corridor. "My life doesn't revolve around you, Katniss Everdeen!" And then he's gone. I don't even know what to say. My next thought it to look at Finnick, he just shrugs.

"How's Peeta?" he asks. "The doctors said he seemed to sleep well…" he says winking at me. Apparently word has gotten out that I slept in Peeta's arms. And that would explain Gale's temperament, whereas Finnick is smiling from ear to ear.

"Um…" I mumble.

He begins to laugh at me. "I'm just teasing, Katniss," he says. "But I do want to go see Peeta, shall we?" he says. His arm is out to his side. I take it and we walk back to the hospital wing just as I hear Peeta screaming again. I let go of Finnick and rush into Peeta's room to see him thrashing about and Haymitch trying to calm him down. I don't even think about it and rush to his face. I stroke the sides of his face and gently caress it, saying his name and telling him that he's okay, Snow isn't here, he's safe, and anything else I can think of that might soothe him. Eventually he settles down and his eyes shoot open, though the expression in those blue eyes I have never seen before.

"Peeta?" I call to him hesitantly. "You're alright…" His eyes focus on me and his body relaxes. Tears fall down my face. It's quite possible that his dreams are worse than mine. That his nightmares, are infinitely more frightening than mine.

"Katniss…" he says weakly. "You died…" tears stream down his face now. "Where—did you go?" he's gasping for breath. The doctor's are walking forward with a syringe to knock him out when I push Haymitch aside, wave off the doctors and lay down beside him on the bed. Instantly he relaxes, calms his breathing down and cries like any normal person would do.

"It's okay," I tell him. "It's okay…I'm right here…" his eyes close and he falls back asleep. It is now that I look at the doctors and glare at them, "what were you—doing to him?" I say, only just now realizing that I'm crying. Finnick and Haymitch both share expressions of concern and sympathy.

"They were trying to take a blood sample, Katniss," says Haymitch. "Something's not quite right with Peeta, and they want to do a blood test. But every time they try he wakes thrashing around and screaming, mostly your name but he's screamed other things as well. It seems only you can calm him Katniss." The tears stream freely down my face now as, Haymitch walks over to gently wipe them away.

"Another time, maybe?" says Finnick from the doorway.

Haymitch and I nod. "But you can come talk to me in a bit," I say. Smiling at Finnick. He nods and walks away. "Haymitch?" I say. "What do they need to do?"

"Just draw some blood, Katniss," says Haymitch. "That's it, just draw some blood." He says. He visibly shrugs, "but they just can't get any. He moves around too much and he's too jerky and they're afraid he'll lose more blood in the process."

"Okay," I say. "This is how it's gonna work. He's only calmed by me…being right here. So I will hold his arm down. His right arm. His left arm will more than likely stay draped over me, and you should be able to get it no problem. But you will need to do it quick. I'm not used to his nightmares being this bad…" I glance back at his sleeping face. "Please be careful," I say. The many doctors nod in unison.

"I'll be here if you need me, too," says Haymitch. I can't help but smile at him in thanks. No one else loves Peeta as much as Haymitch and me, and there's no one else I'd rather have in this room with us right now.

After a jerky start I calm Peeta down and they take the blood samples they need and leave the room. Haymitch looks at me reassuringly. A couple of times it looks as if he's about to say something, but then he doesn't. "Katniss," he starts up finally. "I'd once told you that you could live a hundred lifetimes and never deserve that boy," he says.

"I remember," I say. It was on the day they announced the tributes would be from the existing pool of victors. That is one moment of dread I will never forget as long as I live. Nothing could have prepared any of us for that moment. Nothing.

"I'm willing to admit that I was wrong about that. And I'm sorry," he says.

"It's alright, Haymitch," I say. "I never held it against you. And at the time, you were right. I still don't deserve Peeta."

"Now we both know that's not true," he says. He shakes his head emphatically before continuing, "it wasn't until I saw what you were like without him, that I understood. Snow told you to _convince _him that you loved Peeta, but I wanted you to convince me as well. And in that arena, you convinced us both."

"That's why Snow took Peeta—" I gasp. Peeta's arms reflexively tighten around me even though he's still sound asleep. "Because I convinced him. I convinced everyone. Everyone…even myself. He—he—he—he died, Haymitch!" I'm sobbing again and getting closer and closer to hysteria mode, "and I thought Snow had killed him too—till I realized how he was—using him! Haymitch—why does he—hate me so much?" Haymitch has moved forward and is now caressing my face and wiping the tears away. "It's all my fault Haymitch! All of it! The Quarter Quell, Snow taking Peeta! It's all—because of me!" I can't focus anymore and it's now that Peeta wakes up.

"Katniss…" he says. He wraps his arms more tightly around me and pulls me even closer to him as he strokes my hair. He does everything that he would do on the train. He holds me. I'd forgotten just how wonderful this felt. He looks past me to Haymitch. "Can I get up and walk around?" he asks Haymitch.


	2. Chapter 2

"Let me go check," says Haymitch as he leaves the room.

I continue crying and Peeta's arms are right where they always were. I've never felt so safe in anyone else's arms…except perhaps Haymitch's. I had hated him for what happened to Peeta, until it came right down to it and I knew he missed, loved and needed Peeta too. It was only then that I realized how much I cared about Haymitch as well. The surly old goat who drinks too much. I don't know how I would have gotten through this ordeal without him.

Once I've calmed down a bit in Peeta's arms, Haymitch reenters the room. "Okay," he says. "These are the rules—" he looks right at me, "and they're to be followed to the letter, Katniss. Or they won't let him out until they're certain he's recovered enough." I nod acknowledging my understanding before he continues. "He can only be out at mealtimes. You can take him to dinner now, but following that he must come back and lay down…are we clear on that?"

I nod. "Crystal." I get to my feet and turn to get Peeta who is already on his feet. Clearly I'm the more invalided one of the two of us. As we near the door he interlaces his fingers with my own. "Together?" he asks. I nod. "Together." We walk out the hospital room and down the corridors and through the hallways until we reach the cafeteria. Every head turns to look at us as we enter. Clearly, no one has processed what Peeta's presence would mean for me…or for them, because no one takes their eyes off us as we go us to the line.

"Well, I'll be darned!" says Greasy Sae, breaking up the awkward silence. "Come, come get some food." She ushers us into line. "Everyone, this is Peeta Mellark. He's the one who warned us about the bombing." Both Peeta and I cringe at this. I will never forget seeing him beaten on live televevision and I'm sure he'll never forget it either. "He saved your lives!" She puts a heaping serving onto his plate. And the usual on mine. "You be sure to thank him."

Slowly we take our trays over to the already gathered group. Johanna, Delly, Finnick, Annie and Gale, who seems completely unaltered by our conversation and even more angry now than he was then. All I can do is hope that he doesn't yell here.

"Peeta!" Johanna shouts. "It's so good to see you!"

"You too," says Peeta.

"And not be screaming our heads off," says Johanna. Everyone at the table freezes. Peeta isn't sure what to do, Annie's hands are on her ears as she exits reality, Finnicks arm is around Annie and Delly is glaring at Johanna. "What?" she says looking at us all. "My doctor told me not to hold my thoughts in. That I should say whatever comes into my mind. No holding anything back. Just blunt."

"Yes, Johanna," Peeta says. "It's much better without the screaming."

Peeta and Gale share a long blank look before Peeta sits beside Gale and pulls me down to his left. Everyone looks at me and I just bury my head in my food. The last thing I want to think about right now is how Peeta and Gale are going to get along, I glance up, or lack thereof and how were going to get anything done if they won't work together.

Just then Cressida decides to make her appearance. "Oh here you are!" she says. "We were looking all over the hospital for you two." Her smile is intense. "We need you both for some propos later today, and we can do them right in the hospital room…especially since Haymitch explained the rules. We want to show the Capital and Snow that you can't keep a love as strong as yours down and no matter what you will always find each other!" she says smiling, but at the mention of always finding each other Gale stands up and yanks his tray off the table and throwing the whole thing in the trash, leaves. "Well, at least we don't need _him_ today. How rude!"

I have to talk to Gale. I step up and Peeta grabs my wrist. "Where are you going?" I don't even know what to say. I'm more torn now than ever before. "Katniss…" Peeta says cautiously.

"Um," I say, pulling free. "I'll meet you all back in Peeta's room." I make sure not to look at Peeta, because one look at those blue eyes and I'll never leave the room. "Finnick?" I say pleadingly.

"Sure thing," he winks at me as I rush after Gale. I can just barely hear Peeta say something to Finnick about getting pretty chummy and Finnick's laughter is so intense that I can't help but smile as I run from the room. Sure enough, Gale is walking as fast as he can without running.

"Gale!" I say as I rush after him. "Gale stop!"

He stops abruptly, eyes looking wild. I don't think he slept at all last night. How could I have missed that before? I wasn't sure. "What do you want, Katniss? Do you want me to congratulate Peeta? Tell him the best man won, because I don't think that would be him, Katniss."

"Why do you keep saying my name?" I ask. Is it for emphasis or does he think I've forgotten my own name?

"Because," he says. "You chose him, Katniss. During the Quarter Quell, in the arena, on that beach. You chose him. You said you needed _him._ You said that in front of all of Panem, without even thinking about me. You thought about Peeta. No one else. Just Peeta. And he is the reason you've been crying for weeks, the reason you've ever had to be sedated. I knew I had to go get him. I had to do it for you, but I didn't realize how much it would hurt me!"

That's right. I'd forgotten that Gale was part of Peeta's rescue team. Peeta wouldn't even be here if it weren't for Gale. Gale saved Peeta for me. I know Gale loves me, and I thought I'd loved him…until Peeta hit that force field and died in the Quarter Quell. Suddenly it all became clear to me. I convinced even myself that I loved him. I'd denied it for as long as possible, afraid of what that might mean…afraid Snow would take him from me. Well, Snow did take him from me…because I convinced him. Because Snow knew the best way to get to me was through Peeta. And he took advantage of that. He took advantage of my need and love for Peeta. He used Peeta against me. He hurt Peeta.

"Gale stop it!" I scream. "Would you quit thinking about yourself?" I shout back. "Don't even pretend that you know how I feel. That you could possibly love me like I love Peeta. If I had died in the games you would have moved on. You would have been fine! But Peeta wasn't even dead and you saw how I was! When he died in the Quarter Quell I realized how much I needed him! And I haven't been myself since he was taken. It was wrong to have led you on, but I couldn't bare to lose you as a friend!" I yell. It's only now I realize we have an audience, and at the front of it is Peeta, Finnick, Annie, and Johanna. I'm sure Haymitch is there somewhere too, but the entire dinner crowd seems to have followed us out.

"Don't you say you know how I feel!" he yells back. "Don't pretend to know that I wouldn't be affected by you and Peeta. I cringed every time that you kissed on camera. You'd even told me that you felt bad doing it, thinking about me, but you were just humoring me! You really only felt bad kissing me because of him. Because of Peeta. Did you ever actually love me, Katniss? Or was it all just a game you played back home?" Tears are streaming down his face and mine as well. I'm so mad at him I don't even know what to think, let alone, what to say. Peeta's eyes are so focused on the conversation that I'm scared he'll take off and I just can't let that happen. Peeta can't be mad at me. Anyone, but Peeta. "You played us both."

"No," says Haymitch. "She played you. But you let her." He stares around at the gathered crowd. "Don't you all have places to be?" Everyone clears out but Peeta, Finnick, Annie, and Johanna. "I meant you guys, too." Peeta begins to object, but Finnick and Johanna pull him out right along with them. Haymitch turns to Gale and points a finger right in his face, "If it was a game, boy. You let her play you. You knew that she didn't love you the way you did her, because her actions weren't agreeing with her words. But Peeta," Haymitch points over where Peeta is still in the process of leaving, "she spent every night on that train with him. She had nightmares, that frankly, I tried to avoid, but Peeta came to her rescue, _every night._ And _every night_ she'd ask him to stay. And every morning they would come out for breakfast together. You saw them in that Quarter Quell, you've seen her the last few weeks. Man up, Gale. None of this is a surprise to you." He looks at me, "and you did play him. But you played Peeta, too. Majority of that first Game was all playing him. You're lucky either of these boys love you." He's right. He faces Gale one last time, "think you can live with this little situation? Because according to the Capital they are married…even if it didn't actually happen. Come on, Katniss." He grabs my arm and we walk away over to the hospital wing and stop a couple of yards from Peeta's room. "You've done a lot of stupid things, Katniss," he says with a sigh, "but you never follow a man when he's hurting because of another guy." He releases my arm and stalks away.

"Haymitch…" I don't know what else to say.

"Katniss!" Cressida's voice rings from the room. I walk into it to meet Peeta's frustrated glance. Suppose I probably should have told him I love him before telling Gale that I love him. Well, this will be a long night…if he lets me stay. "Into position, Katniss, by Peeta please." She's smiling from ear to ear. "This will be the greatest."

I walk over to stand by Peeta. "What was that all about, Katniss?" Peeta asks, just above a whisper. Of course he has a right to know. "I'm sorry," I say. "Can we talk about this later?" He nods and Cressida nods. "Action!"

"Snow," I say looking straight into the camera. "You told me to convince you—that I loved Peeta—well I guess I convinced myself as well. Being the Mockingjay has been no easy task. It's been unbearable, especially when I knew you'd be taking whatever I said out on Peeta—" I'm cut off by Peeta.

"What?" he asks. Bewilderment is the only emotion that registers on his face.

"Um…" I look at Cressida, but she is already one step ahead of me. She points the camera projector at the wall.

_"__So, Katniss, you've survived the Capital bombing of Thirteen. How did it compare with what you experienced on the ground in Eight?" video Cressida asks video me. _ I know how this tape goes, but I watch it anyways, with my arms wrapped around Peeta.

_ "__We were so far underground this time, there was no real danger. Thirteen's alive and well and so am—" my voice cuts off. Dry and squeaking._

_ "__Try the line again," she says. "'Thirteen's alive and well and so am I.'" _I can feel Peeta's body tensing as he watches me struggle to continue.

_ "__Thirteen's alive and so—"_

_ "__Katniss, just this one line and you're done today. I promise," says Cressida. "'Thirteen's alive and well and so am I.'"_

As I start swinging my arms, place my fists on my hips drop them to the sides and start crying, Peeta's shoulders hunch over.

_"__Cut," I hear Cressida say. _But the tape keeps rolling.

_ "__What's wrong with her?" we hear Plutarch Heavensbee ask off camera._

_ "__She's figured out how Snow's using Peeta," answers Finnick._

_You hear the group sigh as I begin to unravel._ I remember the feeling well. I'm broken. Snow has broken me. And at this point, I don't think I will ever get Peeta back. You barely hear me call out to Haymitch who comes over to me and wraps his arms around me.

_"__I can't so this anymore," I say._

_ "__I know," Haymitch says._

_ "__All I can think of is—what he's going to do to Peeta—because I'm the Mockingjay!"_ I didn't quite understand just how far gone I was by this point, but I see it now, as tears start to stream down Peeta's face.

_"__I know," Haymitch's arm tightens around me._

_ "__Did you see? How weird he acted? What are they—doing to him?" I start gasping for breath and you can barely hear the "It's my fault!" and see myself fly into hysterical crying and someone walks forward with a syringe and knocks me out._

Beside me Peeta is in tears. I reach my hand up to wipe them off and he grabs my hand and begins kissing it. "Katniss…" he squeaks out before the whole room starts crying.

"Good moment to get crew," hollers Cressida at her team. As they start to record us Peeta goes into spotlight mode.

"Snow." He gasps loudly. "This is Peeta Mellark. Hope you're well. I'm with Katniss now, so you rest assured that we are coming for you."

"And it may please you to know, the Mockingjay," I cut in. "Has found her wings."

"Cut!" Cressida hollers and her and her team scurry out of the room. "If we're lucky we can interrupt tonight's telecast."

Peeta turns and throws his arms around me, and I hang onto him tighter. "I never worried about what this whole thing would do to you, because I figured you had Gale, Haymitch, you mother, and Prim…I never thought…" he says breathing in deeply. "That this is what would happen to you. I never thought you cared that much."

"Peeta," I look into his blue eyes, though both pairs of eyes are hardly seeable as neither of us can really see anything, "when I told you I need you. I meant it. I do. I need you, Peeta. I really am lost without you!" Then I don't know what's happened but I wake up in my own bed with Peeta right beside me. I jerk awake at first thinking that maybe this was a dream. But it's not. He's lying right beside me. They must have drugged us both, which would make perfect sense, seeing as we both kind of lost it.

Peeta wakes beside me. When his eyes find me he turns on his side and brushes the hair from my forehead. "Katniss…" he says, unable to continue.

"Peeta," I say. "Remember when you told me that all your nightmares were about losing me, but you never woke me because I was right there?"

"Yeah," he says.

"What were they like without me?"

"The worst thing imaginable," he says.

That's what I was afraid of. Snow must have done something to make his nightmares worse…and even I can't seem to scare them away. Then I realize he didn't have one last night. He didn't have any nightmares. I look at him smiling.

"Katniss?" he says. Confused by my smile.

"No nightmares," I say.

"No nightmares," he says.

I settle back down into his arms as he envelops me in his sweet embrace, but suddenly there's a crashing sound. We both sit bolt upright. Johanna who sleeps in the other bed, doesn't seem to move at all. I get up and Peeta starts to follow me, I shush him down. Mumbling that it's okay, I'll be fine and other mumbo jumbo, which of course he won't listen to. As I walk out the door I see Gale stumbling around. I gasp and Peeta is right behind me.

"What happened?" he whispers.

I motion to Gale with my opened palms, "I don't know."

Peeta walks cautiously around me when a couple Peacekeepers appear. I lunge forward and pull Peeta down behind a crate. I land on top of him. Well, this isn't exactly the most romantic place but I kiss him anyways and then move off of him and move to a squatting position. "Stay here!" I say.

"Where are you going?" his concern is palpable.

"Shh," I say. I rush back into my room with Johanna and over to her bed. "Johanna!" She startles awake. "Peacekeepers!"

"What?" she shouts. I cover her mouth. "Sorry," she whispers, "what?"

"I don't know how, but there looks to be just two of them. They're pushing Gale around though."

"Where's Peeta?" she asks.

"He's—"

"I'm right here," he says. His hand on my waist, causing me to jump back defensively. He gives me a condescending look, "apparently we need to work on that again." I throw my arms up to convey how I feel. "What's the plan, Katniss?"

"Why does, Katniss, always need to have a plan?" I ask. "It's not like Peeta, brave, smart, loyal Peeta couldn't come up with some plans, too!" I sigh. "Why couldn't we have a normal, not kidnaped not Capital effected kind of marriage?" I grunt.

"What?" he stares at me. Mouth agape.

"What?" I stare back. Then I realize what I just said. "Well, according to the Capital we are, so," he smiles, "oh shut up! Gale's in trouble."

"Where's a good bow when you need one?" Peeta asks annoyed.

I shake my head and shrug my shoulders. "Thirteen really didn't think that plan through very well. Keep the victors of the Hunger Games near the doors in case of intruders, but don't give them anything to defend themselves with. Brilliant." Peeta and Johanna both sigh behind me. "You two could come up with something, too, you know," I glare back at them. We work out a semi-workable plan, but as soon as we go to execute it the Peacekeeper who was hanging onto Gale throws him forward, and the other drops two-dozen roses on the ground. The two then leave. "Roses," I say through gritted teeth.

"What's so bad about roses?" Johanna and Peeta ask in unison. That's not weird or unsettling at all. _Katniss! Not the time for jealousy! They were tortured. They were together for weeks. You were together with Gale for weeks too. Be a grown-up, already. Sheesh._ I shake my head and look back at them.

"It's what Snow uses to get my attention," I say. After checking if the coast is clear I walk over to the roses as Peeta and Johanna go over to Gale. There is a note attached to them. _ My dear Miss Everdeen, I thought you should like to know that this young Mr. Hawthorne tried to turn himself in. He seems to think it's the only way to get your attention. But seeing as I only wanted Peeta, because I _know_ you love him, I am returning this one to you. He is drugged and therefore will not remember his actions of tonight. But I should warn you. If he comes again I won't hesitate to have him shot. ~ President Snow, P.S. Remember our promise. _ I don't know what to think of the note, or of Gale's stupid impulsive decision, but what I do know, is I need to get him back to his bed before morning. "Peeta!" I whisper at him and he comes to my side.

"What is it, Katniss?" he asks. "What does Snow want?"

"To return Gale," I say flatly.

"'Return'?" Peeta asks.

"Yes, return."

"Why return?" he asks as I shove the letter into his hands. He reads it and hastily shoves it in the pocket of my robe. "We need to get him to his room immediately." I nod in agreement. "I'll carry him," he says. But as he reaches to pick Gale up I stop him.

"Peeta," I say, "you're not well enough for this." He tries to grab him anyways. "You're not well enough," I say swatting his hand away.

"Katniss," he says, "if I don't do this, what happens to him?"

"I don't know." And I don't, I honestly don't know. As a group we get Gale back into his bed but have to run back to our room. Johanna's the first one back in bed, kicking her shoes off and tossing her robe. Peeta gets to my—our?—bed first and pulls the covers back and as soon as I lay down pulls the covers over us. We all fall asleep fairly fast and not much later the morning alarms go off.

As Johanna and I are getting dressed—Peeta agreed to put a pillow over his face so that we could do this—the door bursts open and Gale enters. Peeta sits straight up looking at Gale. Johanna and I are half dressed and holler for our robes which Peeta hurls at us. Gale is out of breath and glaring at Peeta. I don't know what to say or what to do. I hadn't anticipated this…whatever, this is. Gale looks like a crazed and deranged animal. Peeta's staring at Gale just as concerned as I am when Johanna speaks up. "If you wanted to see me naked, Gale, all you had to do was ask." Peeta and I smile and exchange a look, which seems to make Gale even more deranged. He takes three long steps towards Peeta when I jump in front of him at the end of the bed.

"Gale…" I say hesitantly. "What's going on?" I pull my robe closer around myself. I've never seen Gale like this ever before and I've known him—technically as long, but feels longer than—Peeta. And I cannot place this look. Johanna mouths "drugged" at me and that's when it dawned on me. We have no idea with what he was drugged. Peeta hesitantly gets out of the bed and walks over beside me, and despite my protests and pushing he stands right beside me in his pajamas. Gale gives him a once over before his fist flies. Peeta falls to the floor. "Gale!" I scream. I drop down by Peeta. "Peeta, Peeta, are you okay? Peeta talk to me." I hit him in the chest with my fist.

"Katniss!" He says, gasping. "I didn't hit a force field."

"I know," I say. I stroke his face all the same. That was the defining moment, well almost defining moment, when _I_ knew how I felt about Peeta. When I knew I loved him. Well, when everyone knew I loved him. The beach just confirmed it, when he said no one needed him. It was that moment that I realized I do need him, and moreover how much I need him. I'm lost without him. We are completely lost without the other. I turn around to glare at Gale but he's already left the room. Johanna continues getting dressed, I help Peeta back to the bed before I tell him that I'm going to get dressed, he will and then we'll find out why we weren't in the hospital bed last night. He agrees. Johanna finishes first and leaves to the cafeteria for breakfast. When Peeta and I are dressed we walk hand in hand to the hospital wing and walk right into Haymitch.

"Good nights sleep?" says Haymitch, smiling at us.

I'm not sure how, or if I want to answer that question. But Peeta, always the one good with words speaks up. "Um, Haymitch," he says. "How did we end up in her room? The last thing either of us remembers was crying after that tape we made."

"Yeah…about that," says Haymitch. "Cressida wanted the footage of you two sleeping peacefully together, and because the hospital staff was jumping out of their skin every time one of you would have a nightmare, they agreed to move you to your room, Katniss."

"Okay…" says Peeta.

"What?" Haymitch asks. "You did it all the time on the train. And since we know why Snow took you, I don't see why this shouldn't be okay."

"Gale," Peeta and I say in unison.

"Well, who cares about that?" says Haymitch. "He's gotta quit acting like a wounded baby all the time."

I think back to the train ride at the beginning of the tour, _"if you can quit looking at me like I'm wounded, then I can stop acting like it."_ Peeta had said that to me. I stand by the, "I didn't lie the whole time," comment. There was that one kiss in the cave, the one that made me want more. I definitely didn't have any regrets then, regardless of what Peeta or Haymitch say.

"Katniss?" Peeta says.

"Huh? What?" I say looking back and forth between the two of them.

"Have you talked to him without yelling at him?" Haymitch asks, apparently again.

"I haven't yelled at Peeta…" I say confused. Well, I haven't. Not since he's been back. I don't think I'd have the heart to even raise my voice at him, after all he's been through…after all the months of feeling sorry for myself…I did not just admit that. My jaw drops. And them I'm called back to reality as Peeta and Haymitch are staring at me.

"Where are you, Katniss?" Haymitch asks.

"You're worrying me," says Peeta.

"I'm fine," I say. Waving them both off. But I really haven't thought about how Gale is feeling, nor how betrayed he must feel. But I've chosen finally, I had thought that would bring some relief somewhere. Though one couldn't argue that Peeta is definitely feeling the relief. To know that everything I said was not a lie. That everything I said—especially in the Quarter Quell—was not a lie.

"Haymitch," Plutarch Heavensbee's voice is unmistakable. "Is Katniss, okay?"

"Of course, I'm okay," I say. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you seem to be in another world," says Plutarch. "What is going on in that head of yours? We got Peeta back for you. And he's safe and sound, and you never have to let him go again…except for the meeting. We need you and Johanna right away, would you go get her please?"

"Yeah, sure," I turn to leave but Peeta won't let go of my hand.

"What meeting?" Peeta asks.

"Oh, nothing to worry about, Peeta," Haymitch answers. "Just some unfinished business we have to take care of."

"Does it involve Snow?" Peeta presses.

"Of course, it involves Snow," says Haymitch. "Everything does these days."

"Now, Katniss, please go get Johanna." I nod and leave the room after pulling my hand free of Peeta's grasp, which is a lot stronger than I remember. Why didn't they want him to come to the meeting anyway? Do we have things to hide from Peeta? Is there more going on than even I know about? Why can't Peeta know what's going on, especially, since he just helped make the last propo? It doesn't seem fair to me. I turn on my heel and march right back into the room.

"Say Haymitch—" as I look over the room I notice that Peeta has been knocked out via syringe. "What are you doing to him?" I scream. Probably louder than necessary, but it really does bother me that they would send me away and then I come back and they've drugged Peeta.

"Calm down, sweetheart," Haymitch says. "He'll be fine."

"That's not what I asked, Haymitch," I say.

"We're taking him to the meeting, Katniss," says Plutarch.

"And you're doing that by drugging him, why?" I ask.

"We're not ready for him to know where they're held yet," says Haymitch.

"So now you don't trust, Peeta?" I ask them both though it's more directed at Haymitch and he knows it.

"It's not about trust, Katniss," say Haymitch. "You know I would trust that boy with my life, if it came right down to it. Though I wouldn't trust either of you with my liquor. Peeta would dump it, like the good boy that he is, and you would drink it, like the girl after my own heart, you are."

"Why aren't you being straight with me?" I ask, looking back and forth between their vacant expressions. "What is really going on that I don't know about?"

"We'll talk about it at the meeting," says Haymitch walking towards the door.

"Fine," I say. "But I'm pushing Peeta there." Haymitch lets go of the wheelchair and raises his hands in surrender.

"Have it your way," says Haymitch. "I'll go get Johanna."

I shake my head as I make my way to command. Why don't they want Peeta to know where the meetings are held? Why do they—including Haymitch—all the sudden not trust Peeta? Hasn't he already saved their miserable behinds once? Are they going to drug him every time we have a meeting? Because there will be hell to pay if that's the case. On our way there Gale comes up beside me laughing. "What's wrong with you?" I ask. Sounding more bitter than I mean it to sound.

"They don't trust, Peeta." He starts cackling. "You have to wheel him in there unconscious." He walks and smells as if he somehow found liquor, which is ridiculous cause Gale doesn't drink. He has no reasons to—okay…me…I suppose he has plenty of reasons to drink.

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_**Because of a review I'm adding this end note. I wrote these past two chapters months ago, and had no intention of posting them, until someone asked. So please don't expect it to be at the caliber or same characterization level as my other fics. I promise everything will be explained in the next chapter. So thank you in advance for bearing with me.**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Sorry this has taken me so long guys, I've been working 28 hours a week and going to class for 8 and doing who knows how many hours of homework, so writing has been a bit harder, but I think I know better where I want to go with this story more solidly now, so hopefully it all turns out how I want it too. Well, without further ado...chapter 3...**_

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I come to an abrupt halt, Peeta nearly falling out of the chair as a result. Face flushed and temper high, I spin to face Gale. "What the _hell_ were you thinking Gale? Turning yourself in like that? Snow could have _killed_ you."

His face somber now, "I didn't turn myself in. They legit captured me while I was outside hunting. That note was Snow's idea. He'd never have taken me anyways. The real weapon would always have been Peeta, if I had turned myself in he would have just brought me back here anyways. I'm not Peeta and he knows it." His face is downcast and his expression blank. I don't want to say there is any truth to his words, but that wouldn't be true. He's right, Snow used Peeta _because_ I loved him, because I was willing to sacrifice my own life for his. I guess it's like Peeta said on the train during the Victory Tour, _"Isn't it strange that I know you'd risk your life to save mine, but I don't even know what your favorite color is?" _He'd been right. And for the record, his is orange…like a sunset. I remember. I would have let this whole rebellion crumble, just to have him back, and I almost got my wish.

"How did the Peacekeepers get in here?!" I holler at him. That's – regardless of whether he turned himself in or not – not a good thing. Peacekeepers in District 13, where we think we're safe, untouchable, and then what happens? They just waltz in like nobody's business. "Gale?" I ask again. "How did they get in here?"

"I was kind of – intoxicated…so, um," he looks down to his shoes. "I don't know."

"That's not good Gale!" I scream, "That's not even you!"

"You don't think I know that, Katniss?" he shoves Peeta's wheelchair aside until he's standing right in front of me. "Whatever you think I did – or didn't do – you have no right to judge me. What have you been doing all this time without Peeta? Moping. You've been moping. And you're going to sit here – stand here – and lecture me? That's not fair Katniss. That's not fair and you know it."

"Do I?" I'm so mad at him I can barely stand it. "Do I know that? How sure are you?"

"We're not getting into this now, we have a meeting to get to," he starts walking away from me without another word. We silently walk the rest of the way, no one speaking a word. I'm not even sure Peeta would if he was conscious. If he did he would've taken my side and the whole argument would have just gotten more intense, more ridiculous, and even more unnecessary. We're better than that. We were always better than that. Maybe, after all we've been through, we aren't anymore. I don't know who I am anymore, let alone who Gale is. He was never in the Games, he cannot possibly hope to understand any of it. Not a word.

We finally make it to command as Peeta starts to stir awake. "Rise and shine lazy ass." Gale says harshly as the doors open. "Let's see what they've got for us this time. And hey, maybe Katniss can film an actual propo this time." With a huff he steps through the doors, Peeta and I hesitate before following.

"What happened?" he asks so only I can hear.

"Don't worry about it."

"Katniss," he hisses. "What's going on?"

"Here?" Only now do I look forward to see all of the yet living victors. Okay, only Johanna and Haymitch are missing. They killed everyone else, so I guess it's nice to be wanted…dead…or alive. I guess I'm wanted more dead than alive, and I can see and understand why. The Mockingjay has been wrecking so much havoc lately, I'm sure they all would prefer I was dead…well, all except maybe Peeta and Haymitch. "I have _no_ idea." I just barely see Peeta nod beside me.

The doors shut behind us and seconds later Plutarch has taken command of the room and is telling us about where we are going, what's going to happen next. Then there in the middle of this elaborate map is something green, blinking, I'm moving forward before I even realize it when my hand makes contact with several others by the glowing green light. Many in the room remain confused, but it's not until Finnick starts, "Ladies and gentlemen . . ."

His voice is quiet, but mine rings through the room, "Let the Seventy-sixth Hunger Games begin!"

I laugh. Quickly. Before anyone has time to register what lies beneath the words I have just uttered. Before eyebrows are raised, objections uttered, two and two are put together, and the solution is that I should be kept as far away from the Capitol as possible. Because an angry, independently thinking victor with a layer of psychological scar tissue too thick to penetrate is maybe the last person you want on your squad.

"I don't even know why you bothered to put Finnick and me through training, Plutarch," I say.

"Yeah, we're already the two best-equipped soldiers you have," Finnick adds cockily.

"Do not think that fact escapes me," he says with an impatient wave. "Now back in line, Soldiers Odair and Everdeen. I have a presentation to finish."

We return to our previous positions but neither one of us has stopped sharing looks of terror, apprehension, and guilt, many times over. This was not something any of us wanted to happen…well, okay, Plutarch definitely wanted a revolution but probably not for the reasons he's been telling us. After awhile Finnick and I are able to focus on the reason we've been corralled here in the first place. We're going to the Capitol. After the meeting they briefly ask me and Peeta to stay behind.

"All we want is to inform you," says Coin, "that we will skip the haircut for you two. This is how the Capitol knows you, and this is how you will stay."

I nod and Peeta and I leave the room. "We're taking on the Capitol?"

"Did you just think we were going to sit here?" my jaw drops, "they bombed 12. Peeta there is no 12. No Hob, no bakery, no nothing but Victors Village." Okay, so I probably could have chosen a better time and way to tell him about that, but the opportunity – however poorly timed – presented itself, and I'd have to tell him sometime soon anyways.

"Katniss," says Finnick. I turn to meet him. "What am I supposed to tell Annie?"

"Nothing," I say. "My mother and Prim won't know anything of this either." It's bad enough that we know what we're getting into, but sparing anyone outside of our group, well they don't need to know what we're walking into, and I'm not about to go tell everyone exactly what that is either.

"But what if she—" he starts.

"She won't. They won't. It's classified, they couldn't see it even if they wanted to," I tell him, "which I don't think they would want to. And anyway it's not like an actual Games. Any number of people will survive. We're just overreacting because – well you know why. You still want to go don't you?"

"Of course. I want to destroy Snow as much as you do," he says.

"It's won't be like the others," I say firmly, trying to convince myself as well. Then the real beauty of the situation dawns on me. "This time Snow will be a player, too."

Before the conversation can go any farther, Haymitch appears beside Finnick. His voice flat, and expressionless face tell us that something is wrong. "Johanna's in the hospital again."

"What happened?" I'm shocked. She was doing so well. She had her test today so she should have been fine…she should have been _at_ that meeting. Come to think of it, why hadn't her absence been a red flag for me earlier? I'm discovering I'm not very good at this friend thing at all. "She was fine this morning."

"She was on the Block," Haymitch explains. "They try to ferret out weaknesses, so they flooded the street," say Haymitch. This doesn't make sense to me, but the noise out of Peeta's mouth and the speed at which he moves away from us lets us know that there is something terribly wrong with the situation. Finnick and I look back to Haymitch confused.

"That's how they tortured her in the Capitol," he hesitates as we start to comprehend what he's saying. "Soaked her and then used electric shocks. In the Block she panicked. Had some kind of flashback. Didn't know where she was. They have her sedated agin, but being that you're as close a friends as she's got—"

"We're going—" Finnick says as he turns.

"Right now," I finish for him as we make our way to the hospital wing. By the time we get there Peeta is sitting in the chair beside Johanna, stroking her face, mumbling something about her being okay, how the Capitol can't hurt her in here…and then I wonder what he must have gone through…what they could have – did – do to him. Did he have to watch? Listen? To what they did to her? There is a bond here, that I don't understand, but I have a feeling it formed much like mine and Finnick's…survival. Sanity. Someone out there who understands how you feel, and what you're going through. Perhaps Johanna is Peeta's Finnick. Either way, I don't know that I can say much that would be better than whatever it is that Peeta's doing.

Johanna is crying. Violently. Shaking. Sweating, profusely. I've never seen her – someone so irrefutably strong – look so undeniably weak. It's not something I'm used to. The weak are weak, the strong are strong…chalk that up to the Games. But now…now I see four broken people that had to rely on someone else's presence – because of someone else's absence – to survive. To make it through one horrible day after the other.

Finnick drapes his arm around my shoulders, "Better not give into it—"

"It takes ten times as long—" I continue the quote.

"To put yourself back together…"

"As it does…"

And in unison we say, "to fall apart."

There is an eiry silence that follows. Besides Peeta muttering different reassuing – I'm assuming – things in Johanna's ear, we have no idea how she's doing, how she's feeling, what's going on inside that head of hers. It took me so long to crack her, and now…well…now. I don't know what she is now. I've never seen her so broken, so wholly untrusting, so utterly damaged. The Games destroyed us all, we've all helped that to some extent, but her destruction goes beyond the Games, to the Capitol, to Snow himself. And Snow is going to pay. For what he did, sending us all back into that arena, for taking Peeta and Johanna, for what he did to them when he had them…for how they are now. For every single person that died in District 12 and District 8, because they believed in me, because they believed in the Mockingjay…and because the Mockingjay had failed to protect them. Had failed to keep them safe, guarded, _protected._ It all started when I volunteered for Prim. If I'd just kept my mouth shut, maybe this wouldn't be happening, but I also wouldn't have Prim, and I'm sorry, but that's just not a possibility.

I started the rebellion, I didn't want to, but it's started now, and there's nothing I can do about it except to see it through till the end. If I fail, I fail…but I'm at least going to try. Johanna Mason, the victor from District 7 that stripped down in front of me outside of an elevator, saved me in that arena, was apparently there for Peeta…and who is my friend now. For Madge, for the rest of the Mellark's, for everyone that's not here with us now that should be – Snow will pay for what he's done – because anyone that can take stip-down-bare-chested-confident-District-7-victor Johanna Mason, and reduce her to this…is no friend of mine.

"Katniss," says Finnick on my right, "what should we do?"

"Be here for her?" I ask tentatively. "I don't know."

"Hey," hiccup, "brainless," another hiccup. "Com'ere." I walk slowly over to her other side and then remember something – "wait!" She looks at me startled, "please? I'll be _right_ back. You have my word." She nods and I run from the room, yank a cotton bandage from the bedside table, run to the elevator and all the way up to the top. One of the guards tries to stop me, but I tell him plainly, "gotta grab some stuff for a friend, so you can come with me if you want." He followed me as I yanked strips of pine tree needles, and after making a neat pile in the middle of the bandage, I gather up the sides and give them a twist, and tie them tightly with a length of vine, making an apple-sized bundle.

On making it back to the hospital I stop in the doorway, Peeta and Finnick have both left and now all I see is the once strong, and seemingly indestructible Johanna Mason curled into a ball crying. Whatever they did to her in the Capitol, is completely unforgivable. She may not have been the best person in the world, but she certainly did not deserve this…to be turned into such a frail, absolutely defeated person. Johanna survived the Games – two arena's – all for what? To end up like this? In a hospital bed, in tears, for what? Satisfaction? Snow knew that she was in on the rebellion, he knew she was in the know, she was aware of things…so he did this to her. She's been irreparably damaged by what they put her through, and no one's going to sit here and tell me that she's fine; I may have been oblivious to Peeta watching me over the years, but this…no one cannot not see this…she deserves so much better. "_I'm not like the rest of you. There's no one left that I love."_ She'd said that in the arena. For whatever reason she was alone in this world…alone and unprotected, but not anymore, not now that I'm here. She'll never be alone again.

I force myself through the door, "Johanna?" I ask timidly rounding the bed.

"Hello, brainless," she fakes a small laugh before hiccupping.

"I brought you something," I say raising the improvised bag I made. "I thought it might remind you of home, trees and all, you know? You were a tree the first time that we met, remember? Thought this could…make you feel more at home." I shrug and she hiccups again.

"I am home," a very heavy sigh escapes her, "you guys are my home. You, Finnick," she chokes up, "Peeta. He's been so good to me, all this time, always. He was always there for me in the Capitol…our cells were adjoining…"

"I remember you mentioning that."

She nods, "yeah. We're very familiar with each other's screams." That stings a bit to hear. I've never really heard Peeta scream, not like that, not in agonizing pain…I don't even think I could handle that. "It was really quite terrible…the screams, I mean…they never stopped. If it wasn't Peeta, or myself, it was someone else. Someone a few cells down from us. We were caged like animals, and then tortured like animals…I'm guessing someone's clued you in on how they got to me…" she looks at me expectantly, and all I can do is nod. "It was quite awful, Katniss. It's one thing to hear about torture…it's another thing entirely, to experience torture. The Games were bad, but nothing compares to this. Occasionally we'd fall asleep holding hands…the one thing tying us to reality in the black abyss we'd come to know…come to call home." She cries some more.

I walk over to her slowly, but definitively. Each step more careful and calculated than the last. She reaches her hand out to me and I walk quicker to grab it. "You're home now then. But we'll get out of here, we won't stay in 13 forever, and you can come live with me, does that sound good to you?" She starts to sob and her grip on my hand tightens, I can see my fingers are going numb when she yanks my face in front of hers.

"You have to kill him, Katniss."

Him? Oh, Snow. "I will."

"He can't be allowed to live, he can't have this power," she inhales a few times very quickly, "he's got to know that these things – these actions have consequences, and they are unavoidable, because the act was unforgivable. He can't live, Katniss. Promise me you'll kill him." I didn't think it was possible but her grip on my hand gets tighter. "Promise me."

"I promise," I nod placing my other – uncrushed – hand on top of hers, "I'll kill him. I promise you that. I won't come back until he is dead. He'll pay for everything that he's done. He'll pay, I promise you."

"Promise on something you love!"

"I promise on my mother and –"

"No," she says harshly. "Something you love. Peeta. Swear on Peeta."

"Alright," I tell her. "I swear on Peeta Mellark, that I will not come home until President Snow is dead. I won't let anything happen to you, and I won't let him hurt anyone ever again, you have my word on that."

"Okay," she says laying back. "I need to rest, okay brainless?"

"Anything you need," I tell her, "don't hesitate to ask. We've got a lot of money between the two of us, they should be willing to do whatever we need them to do, on our behalf."

"Cute," she says with a faint smile. "Thank Peeta for me."

"Of course." In a matter of seconds she is out like a light. I try to take the pouch from her hand but instead she clutches it tightly to her chest. Her other hand releases mine easily enough. I'd have thought her and Peeta's closeness would bother me…and maybe it would…if she wasn't so utterly damaged. I _would_ have been damaged beyond repair if Peeta died, but now looking at Johanna, I don't think I'd be free of damage if anything happened to her either. She really had become family. Has. She has become family. It's almost impossible to imagine mine now, without her in it, oh it's not that she has this arresting presence that just pulls at you…but her in general. She was insufferable at first, then tolerable, then she was an ally, an ally turned friend…and a friend turned family. No, as long as I'm alive, Johanna will not be without family.

I make my way back to our room, but I almost feel obligated to stay in her room with her, keep her company, make sure no one else can hurt her – get to her – make sure she's safe, but I can't. They wouldn't let me. I have my own quarters and that's exactly what they'd say as they'd usher me out the doors. I'll visit her in the morning…but for now, I need some sleep as well. Connecting with her this emotionally has really wiped me out. The walk back to the corridor is long and quiet – as most have gone to bed – which is both a good thing and a bad thing…one should only be able to think so much, for so long. I look to my right and notice I'm back at the corridor already…that walk certainly seemed shorter than ever, but no matter, I open the door. Peeta is sleeping so I slip into my pajama's and slide in beside him.

Noticing me he turns over and snuggles up behind me. "Peeta?" I ask.

"Mmm?"

"Do you still get nightmares?" I'm almost afraid of the answer.

"Mhm."

"Do you remember what you told me on the train, that one night, about your nightmares?" I ask slowly so that hopefully he catches everything I'm saying. He nods his head against my own.

"Mhm."

"You said, you never woke up or thrashed around…" I've started to rub the arm draped over me subconsciously. "That they were about losing me…and that you were okay—"

"Once I realized you were there." He nods his head again. "It sure does feel good to have that advantage again. The dreams are still bad, and I think I do thrash around now, but yes. Like I said before, they're usually about losing you…and I am okay once I realize you're here." He kisses the back of my head. "But we should get some sleep, Katniss."

"Mhm," I agree. "I love you Peeta."

"I know," he says with a yawn. "I love you, too. Always have, always will."


End file.
